Thoughts
by CaptainDorkus
Summary: AkuRoku one shot. Different scenarios where Roxas gets jealous of Demyx and how much time he and Axel spend together. "I thought we were best friends..."


_baby I don't want to spend my life on trial,_

_for something that I did not do._

"I'm sorry, Rox. another time, baby okay?"

I bit my lip, hard enough to draw blood, but not enough will to break my skin. I nodded as blond spikes bounced lightly, the small cellular phone at my ear murmuring from the other person's voice.

"Rox?" it asked, anticipating my answer. "Yeah. it's okay...tell Demyx I said hi."

I heard laughter from the other end of the phone, my muscles tightening, tensing.

"..Haha--I love you baby. please..you know you're the only one I love." I didn't really answer. I murmured a 'love you too' hanging up instantly. I let out a heavy sigh, placing the phone in my pocket as i dug my fingers into my hair, pulling slightly to receive a little pain. I wondered how much longer I could go without really saying anything. Friends are friends, and I respect that.

The last thing I want is to control his every motion.

_And maybe if you stopped and looked around some time,_

_I wouldn't pass right by you._

He called me and texted me, but I didn't answer. I was lying in bed, staring at my darkened ceiling, tears burning in my eyes as I stayed up. I remembered our conversation earlier that evening, and he told me he'd call me in a bit after he was done.

"It's alright," I replied hesitantly, "I'm feeling a little worn out from today...I'm just going to go to bed."

I was hoping he didn't sense the hesitance in my tone. Thankfully, he didn't and reluctantly let me go. He called again after that, but only once. Obviously thinking I really did go to bed. I laughed coldly to myself, remembering that he can't read my mind. But does it really take much to know your lover is just upset? Like I'd really go to bed after not talking on the phone all day.

Like I'd really...

_Maybe it's because you're insecure,_

_Maybe you plain don't care._

The cold mid-spring air chilled my exposed skin, causing goosebumps to appear. I sat on the bench in my backyard, dried tears pasted against my face from the air's whispers. I stared into the mesmerizing ripples in the pool, craving the strange urge to just jump in. Against my better judgment, I remained where I was. I sat there for an hour or so, just gazing at the cerulean pool. A black cat with snow powder feet walked by, ignoring my presence as it just looked for a drink, seeing that the pool would have to do. I watched him leave as quickly as he came, climbing up the wall lithely, with such grace and posture, jumping down easily on the other side of the wall.

I tried moving my hand, finding it had been stuck in place. Fearing for my finger movements, I got up and walked back inside my house, being welcomed in by the warm air. The lights were off in my room as I crawled into my empty bed, curling under my blankets, trying to seek warmth and comfort, gaining nothing but silence.

_Maybe it's the chase that really gets me off,_

_I fall so when it's just not there._

I had gotten used to sneaking around by now, lurking in the shadows as I tried to stay hidden from his view. I didn't know how to deal with others he tended to be around. I always gave off the energy of not wanting to be talked or interacted with. I watched with cold eyes as he mingled with others, that flirtatious smile gracing his thin lips once more, causing a wave of smiles around him. I tensed visibly, thanking the heavens he didn't notice me. I don't know what caused this surge of indescribable anger to wash through my blood stream, but it happened. I walked away before anything else set me off, planning on not letting him know what caused my anger or anything, just waiting to receive a kiss or two to be calmed and smile like nothing was wrong.

That's how it always was, and as he didn't notice, little by little, I was changing for his sake.

_Burn another bridge, break another heart,_

_Try again, it will only fall apart._

He always tells me there's nobody else, but they want him with Demyx. I don't know why I never belong, not even in relationships. Maybe I heard wrong, maybe that's not the case. But whatever their intentions are, I don't really approve. Demyx was in pain because he couldn't be with the one he loved. Nobody could give him that. I refused to give him that. He wanted what I had. I panic every time I think about it. I have nobody to run to for advice, or anything. Occasionally, I'd talk to myself, but that's not healthy.

If anything, they'd pronounce me legally insane.

_Infatuation.._

_Not seeing the rest of you, is getting the best of me._

I cried as the salty tears streamed down my face, making it stick as my nose started to stuff up, making it hard for me to breathe. I didn't know how to respond to anything anymore without lashing out in some way. I looked up to check the time. the digital numbers inked in red read 4:32AM. Lately, I developed a slight case of insomnia. Sitting up I gazed around my room, my white walls making me feel lonelier than I had ever felt. Jealousy crept my way as thoughts of him sleeping over Axel's house had entered my head. Trying to will them out of my head, I paced. Pacing, I found, caused my thoughts to grow. Walking out into my creaky kitchen, I brewed up some coffee, something I never do. I tried to calm my nerves to the best of my ability.

5:16AM, there I was sitting in my kitchen, deep circles marred under my eyelids. I scanned my living room, my fingers rubbing against my half empty coffee mug, this being my third cup. Coffee wasn't something I drank usually, the bitter taste and strong aroma never peaking my interest. I realized I had to put a lot of milk and at least 4 sugar packets into it before it suited my taste buds. It left a dry after taste in my mouth as I stared out my window, watching the street light flicker on and off.

Another hour went by as I thought.

'_Will I ever eventually let this go?..._'

"I miss you," I spoke aloud, to the invisible boy, tears leaking down my face once more. "Come back to me."


End file.
